"There are two ways to live your life, one is though nothing is a miracle, the other is as if everything is." - Einstein












It seems that I am only inspired to write when a series of events happen that make me double over with laughter – my favorite feeling in the world. But now I’m going to try and write about my second favorite feeling in the world – being so amazed and overwhelmed that there are no words to describe the emotion. Wait, what? I'm going to write about something which there are no words for? Well...I suppose staring at an awe-inspired blank page could be intensely boring, so I will attempt the impossible – to put into words the experience of this latest adventure. But first - let me warm up with a bit of what I'm used to - the hilarity of my job on the road.

I found out earlier this year that the Black Eyed Peas "THE E.N.D. Tour"

would be heading to South America – someplace I’d never been before, and to be honest, someplace I wasn’t really sure I wanted to go. I mean, come on, have you seen that show “Locked Up Abroad” on Discovery Channel? It’s like every other episode begins “….Deep in the jungles of South America lies danger, corruption, violence, and muuuurder…” I’m pretty sure the Travel and Tourism Department for South America has their work cut out for themselves….Instead of something like “I left my heart in San Fransisco” their slogan could be “I left my wallet, jewelry, right index finger and head with one of the many drug cartels in South America.” Anyway – taking into account the name of the tour (The E.N.D.) and the fact that we were finishing the tour (the end) and my feeling of impending doom (THE END)....well, needless to say, I was a little nervous.

We sorta eased into South America with a week long run in Mexico, beginning with Monterrey. As I walked into catering for some coffee before starting the work day, I was greeted by The Mexi-mafia caterering predators. They lined the wall of the room, their eyes scanning, their wheels turning, watching, never moving an inch, or uttering a word, waiting for the instant you scooped the last piece of mystery meat from your plate or slurped the last bit of café con leche…. and then BAM! They would swoop by and wisk your dishes away to some top secret tub behind the tent and return to their position with a cool, steely expression like they had just thrown a body wearing cement shoes in the bottom of the Hudson River. Hey, when the boss man says no plate will be used twice, you listen to him, got it?
Despite the cold-blooded caterers and their alarming dress – the food was very tastey and quite spicey!
**NOTE** S.A. Travel Tip #1: Always bare in mind – what goes in, must come out….either through the front door, or the back door. I’ll revisit this subject a bit later…






Well after a long day’s work and still many hours to kill before the show – we established what will come to be known as “Hammockville” under the stage.
While gently swaying and dozing in the slight breeze smelling faintly of diesel fuel, urine, and carne asada, I noticed this sign and laughed out loud.
It kinda begs the question, if it’s a Mexican Home Depot, then who roams the parking lot looking for day labor – Americans? Somehow I found this ironic and funny.

One show down, and we’re off to Mexico City. On the way to the airport, there was a detour sign from the main freeway and so our 3 giant buses had to navigate their way through these small side streets that twisted and turned through various slums. If I weren’t so tired, I might have been more alarmed – but instead, I just closed my eyes and laid my head back (mostly to keep it from slamming into the window or the person beside me as we amazingly found every single pothole and curb in Mexico)….then CRACK!!!!!
What the hell was that??! Suddenly I’m seeing sunlight and and feeling a nice breeze. Apparently they don’t have “Maximum Height” signs in the Department of Transportation Budget as the safety hatch to our roof was nearly ripped clean off by a low-hanging power line. I say “nearly” because, as we pulled over to a public bus stop our rather large driver stepped out to survey the damage and began a conversation with a man waiting on a bench under an aluminum sheet propped up by two-by-fours, after which the man scurried up on top of the bus and finished the job, handing the safety hatch down to Senor Plump Driver. Not sure of what to do with it, he shoved it in one of the luggage bays under the bus and we were once again on our way. I hope we didn’t knock out power and cause anyone to miss the rest of their Mexican soap opera (have you by chance caught a clip of any of them? They make our soap opera actors look like Nobel Laureates!)
Later at the airport, as I’m telling our “insta-skylight” story to someone from another bus – he looks at me in disbelief and starts laughing – it happened to their bus too!! NO WAY. You can’t make this shit up.

After a quick revisit to Karisma - an awesome restaurant across the street from the hotel (where I have vague memories of doing numerous shots of Patron during the 2006 Red Hot Chili Peppers Tour) for a quick bite to eat (sans tequila this time) - I raced back to the hotel to get a couple of hours of sleep before our 12:30 A.M. *gulp* load in. I notice that in the video I say we're getting ready to start "load out" - and perhaps that's because 12:30 a.m. is the hour we should be LOADING OUT - NOT LOADING IN PEOPLE! What the F?!?!


And 20 hours later.....



And as long as I'm posting videos - have a look at this: The opening DJ David Guetta and one of his 9 foot tall super robots performing. I have a sneaking suspicion that this could be why 1.) I have substantial hearing loss and 2.) why kids of today's society would have never been able to sit through a single episode of Mr. Rogers or would never have been as impressed as I was with the special effects of Land of the Lost.