LABOR DAY WEEKEND CAMPING IN NORTHERN ARIZONA
After 6 weeks with Barbra Streisand, only 24 hours at home, 12 shows in 2 weeks with Tim McGraw and Faith Hill – I was absolutely KNACKERED! So I returned to Arizona to relax and immediately started melting in the 108+ temperatures, which really made me mad. So I concocted a very intricate detailed scheme for some of my days off: GET OUT OF THE HEAT!
That was the plan. I didn’t care if I had to sit in someone’s refrigerator for a week, I was going to make coolness happen.
Well who better to consult about “coolness” then the epitome of coolness himself. The hipster of happening, the guy of grooviness:
My brother Kameron.
So here's the plan: My big bro Kameron, and his girlfriend Kimberly (who decided with me that Kam and her can’t ever break up because we like each other way more than either of us like him! Ha) and our trip mascot: The always lively, always playful TY
were going to hit the road to the high country of northeast Arizona for a camping trip!!
We planned to hit the road early - around 7a.m. Saturday morning- which would give us almost 3 full days away from hell on earth - summertime in Phoenix. (But it's a dry heat.)
At 10 a.m. the next morning,we pulled out of the Jack in the Box drive thru with greasy breakfast sandwiches to settle our stomachs from the "planning session" the night before, we could hardly contain our excitement (or in Kam's case - his gas) to start "roughin it" in the beauty and more importantly, the COOL of the Arizona mountains.
After 4 hours of driving, 6 stops to pee, and a few minor skirmishes about my driving (men are just completely incapable of being silent passengers, aren't they? GEESH!) we
still weren't there! A wrong turn added another hour (yah! Who's the ass now Mr. Navigator? hahaha) but took us through a couple of very quaint towns (which we promised to return to) and then finally to Lake Lyman - our feature destination, which boasted "beach-front camping," bathrooms with showers, open camp fires, and beautiful scenery.
Wow. That's odd. I thought the website said beautiful scenery. Looks like a couple of furry hills to me.
And I could have sworn they said "beach-front" camping. Now, don't get me wrong, we certainly didn't expect the Sandals Resort in Jamaica....but this?!?!?! Brown, murky water with unidentifiable things growing and floating about??
Oh well. We were tired of driving, I was in desperate need of a frothy beverage, and Ty was getting antsy,
so we decided to set up camp and make the best of it.
Will you look at those crashing waves coming in?!! So relaxing...the sweet lull of beach-front camping.
And look! They even have Hooter's waitresses that will deliver beer directly to your campsite! Maybe this place isn't so bad after all!
Uh Oh. What's that I see on the horizon? Not one....but TWO storm fronts!
Oh for shit's sake - here comes the damn rain again! It's like I have some sort of tracking device that reports my location directly to Mother Nature so that she can in turn piss all over me!! BUT! By some miracle, the two fronts on either side of our campsite passed right over and left us in the clear. Whew! Close one.
But never fear, just when we were getting into some great "campfire singing" (i.e., drunken off-key karaoke to the Ipod accompanied by a wicked set of air drums and air guitar), the huge drops began to fall. We scrambled to get everything put away and the three of us and our mascot huddled into one tent to so that we could make group decisions about our safety and decide on an evacuation plan should it become necessary. Okay, hehe, not really. We just relocated the party inside the tent and laughed til we cried as the sides of the tent bellowed and tried to beat us to death all the while the radio broadcast severe weather warnings. Geeez.....what a bunch of idiots!
Well, apparently we made it through the night because I awoke with a beaming headache and the screaming sun...
uuhhh, I mean a screaming headache and the beaming sun in my eyes with complete mush brain and little clue as to where I was or what happened. Wow, that must have been one hell of a storm!
So I had spent the previous afternoon sweating just setting up my tent...and the next morning sweating taking down my tent...hmm..somehow, I strongly suspected my original goal of "cool" had not been reached. In fact, I think we over shot it by 60 miles. Time to pack up and head back to where we got lost the day before - perhaps one of those quaint towns we passed earlier - how about PINE KNOB?? Sounds good! But not before Kam has a chance to dazzle us with his "Top Chef" skills (in his dazzling top chef bald-head-sun-protecting-$7-camp-store-bought hat! ha).
Kameron battled flies, heat and crackhead camping neighbors (a whole other story with a lot less teeth) just to provide us with a nutritional breakfast - instant coffee, greasy bacon and sausage, and eggs with cheese (plus a few other outdoor mystery additives...crunch...).
After waiting in an hour-long line for the luxurious "spa-like" experience of showering while standing ankle deep in the last preson's water, and an hour drive back the way we came before, we decided we had earned the reward of real burger, cooked in a real restaurant in much more sanitary conditions then we had attempted thus far. Once we arrived, we found a bloody mary bar, a horse-shoe pit, and some of our family ancestry!
We met so many interesting characters!!! A real-life 6'7" Paul Bunyan with one leg,
a biker dude who told us tales of his tallywacker being tattooed with tweetiebird in prison (thankfully, I can not validate the truthfulness to this story),
and a dude who hid John Gotti's son in the bowling alley he worked at after he had performed his first "hit" for the mob.....
Listen! I don't make this shit up! Trust me - the truth is much more hilarious and interesting. Finally, after a 12 year old kid came in with a snake (which Kimberly and I reluctantly held thanks to liquid courage) we decided that it had gotten weird enough and we needed to find a place to make camp. And for the first time, Ty was REALLY antsy - you can tell by how his eyes are actually open for the first time after snoozing for 8 hours under our table. He just looks so disturbed and uncomfortable - like he might be ready to bite someone in a vicious mouth-foaming rage, doesn't he?
Finally! After a moon-lit camp build - we had achieved our goal! A fireside campsite so cool we needed sweatshirts and blankets! YES!!!!!!!! The sweet smell of success!!!!!!!! (Or was that Kam's gas again?)
The next morning, after another hearty, healthy breakfast - all hell broke loose. Our original "rule book" for the weekend (some scribbled writing on a crumbled up piece of paper which we taped to the interior light as a constant reminder) had gone to hell and a hand basket. The "no cell phones, no whining, no primping, no fighting...etc., etc." rules were out the window. BUSTED!!!!!!!!!
And we were all just as guilty - I snuck a call back to my house to find out there was a football party in progress I wanted to get to, Kam and I started to get at each other's throat (anyone who knows us knows that we were never meant to spend more than a day or two together! hahahahaha). Even TY had that whiney "longing for his own couch" look in his eyes.
It was time to put our Gold Medal of Finding Cool behind us and hit the road!!!!! So we packed up! Why, who is this super hero springing to action??!
It's my superbro! Kameron "If you can't tie a knot, tie a lot" Hampton! ha
As we rushed out to beat the traffic, we found ourselves immediately at a steady crawl behind a Pilgrim's Pride Chicken truck for 2 hours. Now, I'm not one to judge, but after two hours, that pilgrim started to creep me out with his sneering smirk! What a weirdo!!
Needing a break from that pilgrim's sadistic stare, we spotted a little western town off to the side of the road where we stretched our legs, met a few more wacky friends,
and Ty tried to pose as a "Wild Woman." Man, I don't know about our mascot - I think he's battling some internal demons. He just always looks so unhappy, so unfriendly...maybe we should seek some counseling for the poor pooch.
Or maybe! Just maybe....he needs a lady friend.....
Enter: CORONA - the black cockerspaniel we met at our last rest stop for a bite, break, and a beer 45 minutes from home.
Now I'm not sure if it was the lure of a cold tile floor at his own house, or the sexy, sleek, shimmery black coat of Miss Corona, but I've never seen Ty quite so perky!
OPERATION: COOL/CORONA - COMPLETE!!!!!!
Next stop on the road: The Annual Valpraiso, Indiana Popcorn Festival with my gang of merry revelers from all over the U.S.!
After 6 weeks with Barbra Streisand, only 24 hours at home, 12 shows in 2 weeks with Tim McGraw and Faith Hill – I was absolutely KNACKERED! So I returned to Arizona to relax and immediately started melting in the 108+ temperatures, which really made me mad. So I concocted a very intricate detailed scheme for some of my days off: GET OUT OF THE HEAT!
That was the plan. I didn’t care if I had to sit in someone’s refrigerator for a week, I was going to make coolness happen.
Well who better to consult about “coolness” then the epitome of coolness himself. The hipster of happening, the guy of grooviness:
My brother Kameron.
So here's the plan: My big bro Kameron, and his girlfriend Kimberly (who decided with me that Kam and her can’t ever break up because we like each other way more than either of us like him! Ha) and our trip mascot: The always lively, always playful TY
were going to hit the road to the high country of northeast Arizona for a camping trip!!
We planned to hit the road early - around 7a.m. Saturday morning- which would give us almost 3 full days away from hell on earth - summertime in Phoenix. (But it's a dry heat.)
At 10 a.m. the next morning,we pulled out of the Jack in the Box drive thru with greasy breakfast sandwiches to settle our stomachs from the "planning session" the night before, we could hardly contain our excitement (or in Kam's case - his gas) to start "roughin it" in the beauty and more importantly, the COOL of the Arizona mountains.
After 4 hours of driving, 6 stops to pee, and a few minor skirmishes about my driving (men are just completely incapable of being silent passengers, aren't they? GEESH!) we
still weren't there! A wrong turn added another hour (yah! Who's the ass now Mr. Navigator? hahaha) but took us through a couple of very quaint towns (which we promised to return to) and then finally to Lake Lyman - our feature destination, which boasted "beach-front camping," bathrooms with showers, open camp fires, and beautiful scenery.
Wow. That's odd. I thought the website said beautiful scenery. Looks like a couple of furry hills to me.
And I could have sworn they said "beach-front" camping. Now, don't get me wrong, we certainly didn't expect the Sandals Resort in Jamaica....but this?!?!?! Brown, murky water with unidentifiable things growing and floating about??
Oh well. We were tired of driving, I was in desperate need of a frothy beverage, and Ty was getting antsy,
so we decided to set up camp and make the best of it.
Will you look at those crashing waves coming in?!! So relaxing...the sweet lull of beach-front camping.
And look! They even have Hooter's waitresses that will deliver beer directly to your campsite! Maybe this place isn't so bad after all!
Uh Oh. What's that I see on the horizon? Not one....but TWO storm fronts!
Oh for shit's sake - here comes the damn rain again! It's like I have some sort of tracking device that reports my location directly to Mother Nature so that she can in turn piss all over me!! BUT! By some miracle, the two fronts on either side of our campsite passed right over and left us in the clear. Whew! Close one.
But never fear, just when we were getting into some great "campfire singing" (i.e., drunken off-key karaoke to the Ipod accompanied by a wicked set of air drums and air guitar), the huge drops began to fall. We scrambled to get everything put away and the three of us and our mascot huddled into one tent to so that we could make group decisions about our safety and decide on an evacuation plan should it become necessary. Okay, hehe, not really. We just relocated the party inside the tent and laughed til we cried as the sides of the tent bellowed and tried to beat us to death all the while the radio broadcast severe weather warnings. Geeez.....what a bunch of idiots!
Well, apparently we made it through the night because I awoke with a beaming headache and the screaming sun...
uuhhh, I mean a screaming headache and the beaming sun in my eyes with complete mush brain and little clue as to where I was or what happened. Wow, that must have been one hell of a storm!
So I had spent the previous afternoon sweating just setting up my tent...and the next morning sweating taking down my tent...hmm..somehow, I strongly suspected my original goal of "cool" had not been reached. In fact, I think we over shot it by 60 miles. Time to pack up and head back to where we got lost the day before - perhaps one of those quaint towns we passed earlier - how about PINE KNOB?? Sounds good! But not before Kam has a chance to dazzle us with his "Top Chef" skills (in his dazzling top chef bald-head-sun-protecting-$7-camp-store-bought hat! ha).
Kameron battled flies, heat and crackhead camping neighbors (a whole other story with a lot less teeth) just to provide us with a nutritional breakfast - instant coffee, greasy bacon and sausage, and eggs with cheese (plus a few other outdoor mystery additives...crunch...).
After waiting in an hour-long line for the luxurious "spa-like" experience of showering while standing ankle deep in the last preson's water, and an hour drive back the way we came before, we decided we had earned the reward of real burger, cooked in a real restaurant in much more sanitary conditions then we had attempted thus far. Once we arrived, we found a bloody mary bar, a horse-shoe pit, and some of our family ancestry!
We met so many interesting characters!!! A real-life 6'7" Paul Bunyan with one leg,
a biker dude who told us tales of his tallywacker being tattooed with tweetiebird in prison (thankfully, I can not validate the truthfulness to this story),
and a dude who hid John Gotti's son in the bowling alley he worked at after he had performed his first "hit" for the mob.....
Listen! I don't make this shit up! Trust me - the truth is much more hilarious and interesting. Finally, after a 12 year old kid came in with a snake (which Kimberly and I reluctantly held thanks to liquid courage) we decided that it had gotten weird enough and we needed to find a place to make camp. And for the first time, Ty was REALLY antsy - you can tell by how his eyes are actually open for the first time after snoozing for 8 hours under our table. He just looks so disturbed and uncomfortable - like he might be ready to bite someone in a vicious mouth-foaming rage, doesn't he?
Finally! After a moon-lit camp build - we had achieved our goal! A fireside campsite so cool we needed sweatshirts and blankets! YES!!!!!!!! The sweet smell of success!!!!!!!! (Or was that Kam's gas again?)
The next morning, after another hearty, healthy breakfast - all hell broke loose. Our original "rule book" for the weekend (some scribbled writing on a crumbled up piece of paper which we taped to the interior light as a constant reminder) had gone to hell and a hand basket. The "no cell phones, no whining, no primping, no fighting...etc., etc." rules were out the window. BUSTED!!!!!!!!!
And we were all just as guilty - I snuck a call back to my house to find out there was a football party in progress I wanted to get to, Kam and I started to get at each other's throat (anyone who knows us knows that we were never meant to spend more than a day or two together! hahahahaha). Even TY had that whiney "longing for his own couch" look in his eyes.
It was time to put our Gold Medal of Finding Cool behind us and hit the road!!!!! So we packed up! Why, who is this super hero springing to action??!
It's my superbro! Kameron "If you can't tie a knot, tie a lot" Hampton! ha
As we rushed out to beat the traffic, we found ourselves immediately at a steady crawl behind a Pilgrim's Pride Chicken truck for 2 hours. Now, I'm not one to judge, but after two hours, that pilgrim started to creep me out with his sneering smirk! What a weirdo!!
Needing a break from that pilgrim's sadistic stare, we spotted a little western town off to the side of the road where we stretched our legs, met a few more wacky friends,
and Ty tried to pose as a "Wild Woman." Man, I don't know about our mascot - I think he's battling some internal demons. He just always looks so unhappy, so unfriendly...maybe we should seek some counseling for the poor pooch.
Or maybe! Just maybe....he needs a lady friend.....
Enter: CORONA - the black cockerspaniel we met at our last rest stop for a bite, break, and a beer 45 minutes from home.
Now I'm not sure if it was the lure of a cold tile floor at his own house, or the sexy, sleek, shimmery black coat of Miss Corona, but I've never seen Ty quite so perky!
OPERATION: COOL/CORONA - COMPLETE!!!!!!
Next stop on the road: The Annual Valpraiso, Indiana Popcorn Festival with my gang of merry revelers from all over the U.S.!
posted by On The Road Again... at
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